The Wacky World of Quelf

What is Quelf?  Simplest answer: Quelf is a board game.  Most accurate answer: Quelf is the perfect blend of randomness concentrate and friendship, and it is the most fun you will ever have while sitting at a table.  Here, a selection of choice quotes from tonight’s epic game with fellow Lake Ann staffers Adam, Scott, Christian, Shelby, Jonathan, and Megan.

“That is true, false.  It’s true that it’s false; false.” – Scott

“Quack, quack, quack!” – Shelby (every time anyone drew a card)

“I’d love to play this game at 3 in the morning, when everyone’s like, (O_o).” – Scott

What Happens When Curfew Gets Bumped Up Half an Hour

I wanted to write you a post with some sweet updates and links and the like, but lights out just got bumped from 10:45 to 10:15, so all of my blogging time has suddenly disappeared.  As an apology, please accept this video.

See you tomorrow, and remember: don’t bite your friends.

Mind Dump – Pony Saturday and More!

Thanks to my friend Adam Swensen (he has a great blog, The Next Generation, you should definitely check it out) for inspiring me to write this mind dump post with his original mind dump post.  That said, this post is basically a bunch of things that I’d like to say that didn’t fit anywhere else, in no particular order.  Since this is all essentially off the top of my head, expect a lot of randomosity and the like.  Here we go!

-As you may or may not know, I have a deviantArt page.  If you knew about that, you probably know that I recently took up a challenge from Tekaramity to draw a pony version of myself in 48 hours.  I had a whole lot of fun drawing the picture, so today I drew two more ponies based on my brother Jonathan and my sister Christiana.  They wound up looking amazing, but since our dial-up is painfully slow, I can’t upload them to dA until Monday when I go to Lake Ann Camp, the promised land of milk and speedy Wi-Fi.  Still, I was so happy with the final product that I felt like telling someone, so there you go.

-I have discovered a substance more addictive than any drug.  They are called “Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips” and they will take over your life.  You’ll eat until your tongue is numb, but you’ll still want more.  Turn back now before it’s too late, don’t wind up like me.

-The Hub knows who we are!  They made a 30-second “Equestria Girls” promo for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic  a little while back (yes, it’s a parody of “California Girls” by Katy Perry, and yes, that is as great as it sounds).  The promo was written and produced by the MLP:FiM team and performed by the official singer for Pinkie Pie, and according to Equestria Daily they aired an extended version this very evening that included a direct shout-out to the bronies. The Hub even contacted Equestria Daily and sent them a copy of said extended promo in advance!  That’s right, the production team essentially made an official PMV with an original parody song, used the term “bronies” in it, contacted the main hub of brony activity on the Internet to let them know, then aired it on cable television.  There are no words for how stupendous that is, so I’ll just do a celebratory dance instead.  *Dances*.  In case you hadn’t guessed, I love this fandom.

-I am psyched beyond psyched to work in the kitchen at Lake Ann this summer with all of the amazing people there.  Two more days, and I finally get to see such stellar individuals as Adam Swensen, Megan Schuitema, Adam Beckmeyer, Scott Buchholz, Dan Hayton, and Chefy again, as well as many, many more.  My excitement cannot be contained in any container!

-I need more Salt and Vinegar chips.

-Oh, hey, remember that post where I asked people to ask me questions and I said I was going to make a vlog answering them?  It turns out that I’m not very good at making vlogs, so I’m going to answer those questions in a post instead sometime very soon.  There were some pretty amazing questions, so be on the lookout for that post.

-Speaking of videos and things I mentioned a long time ago and then never again, I’m almost finished with Project Reading a Book.  Again, I can’t post it until next week thanks to the serious lack of Interwebs at home base, but expect a fresh, shiny, Julian Smith/Twilight Sparkle PMV on YouTube early next week.

-Windows Movie Maker was created by an evil scientist bent on driving financially challenged video editors to the brink of insanity then attempting to control their severely weakened minds and take over the world.

-The ridiculous evilness of Movie Maker makes it all the more satisfying when you finally overcome its ridiculous evil and bend it to your will.  I feel like playing “We are the Champions” by Queen every time I successfully save part of my project.

-EVIL!

-Psych is one of the funniest shows ever written.  The only show that’s ever made me laugh more consistently is Corner Gas, may it rest in peace.  If those two shows were ever to meet, they would create an explosion of hilarity that would overcome the whole universe.

-My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius… no, wait, my name is Tim.  Never mind.

It’s probably time to wrap this post up before it spirals completely out of control.  After all, I need to vanquish some more evil and whatnot.  I’ll be back with one last post from dial-up land tomorrow, then it’s on to Lake Ann and a whole summer of PostADay awesomeness!  Much love to all of you, and thanks for reading The Author’s Apprentice and making my life more fun!

Why My Mom is the Best College Mom Of All Time

So my little brother came down to visit me at school this weekend, and my mom promised that she’d send some stamps with him when he came so that I could mail some letters.  When he arrived, I discovered that she had not only sent the promised stamps, but also four Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs (the best candy in the world) and a bucket with four little cans of Play-Doh and a bunch of animal-shaped cutters to go with it.  What can I say?  She knows me to a fault.  Thanks for sending me candy, toys, and Martians at random intervals to brighten my day, Mom.  Today’s post is dedicated to you because you really are the best college mom of all time.

Question Mark Exclamation Point

Last week I made a post full of questions for you guys to answer, and I had a lot of fun interacting with you in the comments and reading both the silly and the serious things that you had to say.  So tonight, I decided to open the floor and ask you to ask me a few questions of your own.  You can ask me one question or you can ask me a dozen, they can be deep or lighthearted or unusual or revealing or funny or random, they can be things you want to know about me or just things you thought would be funny to see me try to answer, just fill up that comment section below with your questions.  Once I’ve collected a considerable collection of queries, I’ll gather them up, whisk them away to my secret writer cave/laboratory, and throw them into the all-purpose, super-scientific diabolical device which will create a vlog with the answers to each and every one of them.  So step right up, drop your questions in the slot, and help me make a video – for science!

Confessions of a Recording Artist

I am now officially a recording artist.  I spent most of today at College Church recording with the Moody Men’s Collegiate Choir, and by the time the evening was over we’d finished eight or nine different tracks.  That’s right, folks, I’ve been in the studio, I know what it’s like on the inside.  To be honest, it’s not that thrilling.  It turns out that we mostly just stood on a stage and sang all of the songs we sing in rehearsals and at concerts, except we had two disembodied voices saying things like “We’re rolling” through the speakers and our conductor said “Take One” or “Take Two” or “Take Nineteen” before we started singing each time and there were a lot of microphones.  Still, the room sounded fantastic, all echoing and majestic, and we sang some of my favorite songs, and I traded the banana in my box dinner for a Golden Delicious, so all in all it was a great day.  Plus, that’s another item off the bucket list.  Become an official recording artist, check.  Next up: embark on a tour as a recording artist that covers at least four states.  Spring Break, here I come!

11:48

I have twelve minutes to write this post, so I’ve decided to write the first twelve things that come to mind so that I can still have a post.

1. I don’t want to write this large paper that’s due on Monday.

2. I am very excited to go home this weekend.

3. If I want to have fun at home this weekend, I have to write this large paper.

4. Shoot.

5.  This double chocolate chip pancake is delicious.

6. My mind always goes blank when I’m halfway done with a list (like it just did right now).

7. My roommate is talking.

8. My neighbor, Adam, just gave me a bunch of music to listen to later.  I am very excited about that.

9. I’m not going to say anything about my upcoming birthday, even though my roommate told me to.

10. I am quite the rebel.

11. I just had to fight my roommate for the aforementioned pancake.  I think he drooled on it.

12.  I’ll miss you, pancake…

Not Just Any Desk

Dan and I rearranged our room the other day, and it feels a lot more spacious now.  The beds are bunked, so I get to sleep up next to the ceiling, and we can actually get to the window without performing a series of fifteen precise and dangerous parkour moves.  The most prominent change, however, is the placement of our desks.  We turned them so that they face each other, and now I feel like we’re Jim and Dwight from “The Office”.  I won’t comment on who is which character, just suffice it to say that I’m now afraid he’s going to encase my stapler in Jell-O.  As we moved things around, though, I gained a new appreciation for all of the little things that I keep on and around my desk that make it more than just another hunk of wood.  Here are six of these bits and pieces of assorted fun that make me love my room so much:

1. Megatron.

If you’ve seen the vlog that I filmed with Dan last week, you’ve already seen my intimidating Megatron figurine.  If not, here he is in all of his plastic splendor:

Megatron

One night, several of the guys decided to go for a McDonald’s run.  I wasn’t sure what I wanted, but when we arrived and I saw the plastic case beside the counter filled with miniature Transformers, I knew it was Happy Meal time.  I bought one, hoping to get somebody cool like Bumblebee or Optimus Prime, and when I opened the little cardboard box I was not disappointed.  Looking back up at me with his red painted eyes was Megatron, the worst Decepticon of them all.  I brought him back to the dorm and promptly set him up on my desk.  There he’s stood for the past several months, representing my Inner Editor.  When I get writer’s block, I just take him to the stairwell and toss him about for a while.  I’m not sure if it helps, but it’s fun.

2. A lighter.

Yeah, there’s not much left to say about that one.  I don’t remember where I found it, but find it I did, and I can’t bring myself to throw it out now, even though it’s out of juice.  Maybe it’s because it says “Fire” on it.  Maybe it’s because it still makes showers of sparks when I spin the wheel.  Either way, it’s pretty much amazing.  See for yourself:

A Lighter

3. Turtles.

Everyone likes turtles, and I am no exception.  My mom sent me a few plastic/rubber/unknown Chinese material turtles in a care package, so I keep them around to spruce the place up and remind me of home.  Turtles: an instant smile-producer.

Turtles

4. A Lamborghini.

That’s right, I own a green Lamborghini Reventon.  I won it in a sweepstakes.  My little brother won something more expensive in the same drawing (some kind of candy, maybe), but it wasn’t nearly as stylish.  I know, you’re dying to check out my ride.  Here it is:

My Lamborghini

Jealous?

5. An Intense Portrait of Me.

One of the boys from Salem Christian School, where I help out with the Aftercare program on Wednesday evenings, drew this very… interpretive portrait of me:

A portrait of me

I never realized that my head was that big, or that my cheeks were quite that rosy, or that my beard was that, um, whatever it is.  Then there’s the red splotch between my eyes… was I just shot by a sniper?  That would explain the wild-eyed, teeth-clenched expression on my face – and why I’m falling over backwards.  This is why I love kids, they express themselves without caring if someone else sees things differently – they’re going to draw, say, sing, and write what they see, as they see it, and it usually turns out to be really cute.

6. Chip, the Blue Ceramic Pig.

Chip is my favorite desk ornament.  On the first day of the Spring semester, my friend Kyu walked into my room, handed me this piggy bank, and walked away:

Chip, the Blue Ceramic Pig

Not only is Chip a piggy bank to hold all of my spare change, his round, innocent, totally mouthless face is also adorable.  To me, he is the embodiment of random fun with my friends, which is one of my favorite things.  It’s impossible to look at Chip and not break into a smile.  Having Chip perched on my printer has made sitting at my desk 1000% more enjoyable.  It’s a wonder I ever leave my room now.

What are your favorite knick-knacks, and what about them do you love most?  Let me know in the comments below, and have a superlative Saturday.

City Life

As a country boy, I’m used to everything being miles away from everything else.  If you want to go somewhere besides the middle of nowhere, you have to take a car, and even getting as far as the middle of nowhere will require a short hike.  It’s so strange to be here in Chicago, because everything is connected.  If it’s in Chicago and you’re in Chicago, you can get to it with relative ease.  At first, the transition scared me a bit, but now I realize how many spontaneous adventures city life has to offer.  Here are a few of my favorite Chicago adventures so far:

1. Molly’s Bakery.  We’ll start with the least spontaneous (and most delicious) story.  During Men’s Choir rehearsal, I found out that a group of guys were going to some place called Molly’s Bakery for cupcakes.  I didn’t have much homework that evening, so I decided to go along.  Here’s the long version of what transpired: They called it the cookie monster.  It sat in the glass case, all gold and chocolate, a miniature cookie perched perfectly on top.  Sure, there were other cupcakes in the case, but none that shined with a heavenly glow – and none that had a chunk of fresh cookie dough tucked inside.  Yes, I said cookie dough, and yes, that is as delicious as it sounds.  The short version: best cupcake ever.

2. The Elusive Coffee Shop.  My friend Rachel and I decided to go study off campus for a while, and my roommate, Dan, recommended a good Caribou Coffee not far away.  He gave us directions, and we headed off into the cold afternoon.  Unfortunately, the coffee shop wasn’t as easy to find as it sounded, and Rachel and I wound up wandering the streets for a while before we finally gave up and stepped inside the nearest Starbucks.  It was a nice walk, and we had a good time at the Starbucks, but we got wrapped up in our conversation and forgot to actually buy something to drink.  Sorry about that, Starbucks guys.  Next time I can’t find a Caribou I’ll be sure to stop in and make up for it.

3.  Wicked Tickets.  Yesterday, about three hours before the final night showing of Wicked on Broadway Chicago, Dan informed me that they were giving away front row seats for only $25 in a random drawing in forty minutes.  We put on our coats, grabbed a couple of friends, and dashed out to the brown line station.  From there, we ran as fast as we could to the theater and put our names in the drawing.  We didn’t win, but it was completely spontaneous, and we had a great time.

4. Missing Curfew.  For the story of this adventure, see this post: “Blue Line”.  The part that I didn’t mention in the post is that I forgot what time it was when I left with my buddy Andrew, and as a result I showed up forty minutes late for curfew.  Fortunately, I still had all of my late minutes left.  It was totally worth it.

5. Burritos.  This one is my personal favorite.  On Halloween, Chipotle offered a deal: if you dress up like a processed food, you get a discount on burritos.  Ben, Adam, and I started out with big plans: we were going to hit three or four different Chipotles and scoop up as many burritos as we could get.  Unfortunately, the first three restaurants we reached were already closed.  We spent a while standing on the sidewalk in our outfits – Ben with a milk carton on his head, Adam wearing an empty bag of Doritos, and me trying to keep my Frankenfood hat from falling off of my head – texting ChaCha to find out which Chipotles were still open.  We finally found one, and by the time we’d bought and consumed that first burrito, we decided to call it a night.  A wacky, random, and spontaneous night, to be specific, and those are the best nights ever.

What are some of the best spontaneous adventures you’ve ever had?