“So, are you home for a while now?” Pastor Chris asked, sitting in the chair to my left as we waited for the service to start. I nodded, the implications of the question playing through my mind. Pastor Chris is a Moody alumnus, so he knew that school was already in session, that since I was here and not there I must be missing out on the semester, and his face held a look of knowing sympathy. “It’s got to be pretty tough to watch everyone going ahead without you, huh?”
Tag Archives: life
What is it about chaos and stress that drive us closer to God? Why do I so often find prayer and Bible study a chore when all is well, but then I crave quiet time with God passionately when my life is stretching out of my reach and out of control? When I’m faced with the reality that I can’t handle all of the challenges that face me, there’s no other response than to give up or to find shelter in the One who can handle anything. Suddenly, I’m reminded undeniably just how indispensable my relationship with God is. When I’m forced to admit that I have no time to waste, my mind focuses in on priorities and shuts out the desire for the unnecessary. Gone is my appetite for the idols of entertainment to which I used to sacrifice my “spare time” under the pretense that I had nothing better to do. The thought of spending an hour and a half watching a movie seems ridiculous now when I thought it perfectly normal just days ago, and yet now more than ever I feel the need to pray, to read the Bible, to be with God. I only cling to God like my life depends on it when I can no longer ignore the fact that my life depends on it, but how different would my life look if I lived under the knowledge that my life really does depend on God whether it’s painfully obvious or not? I may not live to type the rest of this sentence, and you may not live to read it. I’ve got plans for tomorrow and next week and next month but they could change in an instant and leave me reeling. No matter how in control I feel, my life is never under my control and I am never strong enough to handle it on my own. My life is entirely in God’s hands in every possible way, I’m just too arrogant to admit it most of the time. What would change if I let go of my pride and my desire to feel strong and successful and filtered all of my words and deeds through the truth that God is the only One who is truly in control and that knowing and loving Him is the only thing that really matters? I think I’d begin to value each moment more and more accurately and to honor God, whose worth is beyond measure, more and more fully, and I know for a fact that it would be the start of a new, more beautiful, more meaningful kind of life.
I still miss people. They tell me I can always be connected with my friends and family because I can go online and see a string of words that they typed in a box on their screen several hours ago, but I don’t feel connected so much as cheated, like someone offered me a scenic safari and then drove me through the Sahara at eighty miles an hour. I don’t want to read that my little brother is having a bad day, I don’t want to type my condolences in emotionless black letters. I want to see his face and know without words that he’s hurting, I want to put my arm around him and listen to him tell me why. I don’t want to read that my friends are listening to their favorite music, I want to hear the notes and feel the beat and dance with them. I don’t want to be connected by a cord and a screen, I want to be with the people I love the most, to taste and smell and see and feel life alongside them. I don’t want to miss people, but I’m glad that I do, because it shows that we truly are connected with bonds deeper than sound bites and comments. We feel the strain when we’re apart because we’re meant to be together, and nothing can stop that aching, but it’s comforting to know that no matter how much life pulls us in different directions, the connection between two souls is one that will never break.