Meet Polycarp


Polycarp is an orphan.  When his father abandoned him in a foreign land, he was passed from one uncaring foster family to another, slowly losing hope of ever finding anyone who would love him again.  At last, he found himself in a family with twenty-three sons.  The boys hated Polycarp, and they did everything they could to make him miserable, until one day their behavior became so cruel that Polycarp tried to run away.  Unfortunately, he was born without any legs, and his father had only been able to afford wooden replacements, so he didn’t get far before his foster brothers dragged him back home and told their parents lies about how Polycarp was a thief and a scoundrel.  They grabbed Polycarp roughly and threw him into the elevator of their apartment building, where he hit his head and fell unconscious.  Fortunately, when Polycarp tumbled out of the elevator on the first floor, a kind young man named Daniel found him and sat by him, waiting for his family to come for him.  When Polycarp woke up, he tearfully recounted his story to Daniel, how he had no family or friends, and Daniel brought him home, with the help of his roommate, Tim, to live with them.  Polycarp loves his new home, and Dan and Tim feel like they’ve finally found something that they had been lacking for far too long: a couch.

That’s right, my friends, in an act of heroism, Dan and I have adopted our very own couch.  His name is Polycarp, and he’s everything we were looking for in a piece of furniture.  Here he is, in all of his green plaid glory:

Old, free, plaid... what's not to love?

Our room finally feels complete, and we know that Polycarp is going to feel right at home.

So, a question for you: have you ever named an inanimate object?  What was the story behind the name?

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “Meet Polycarp

  1. Polycarp looks lovable. 😀

    My sister named her plastic sword she got from the circus. It had a red (plastic-) jeweled hilt and she wanted to name it Ruby, but could not get around the fact that was a girl’s name for a sword, and went with Reuben. Reuben is still around somewhere. Probably a closet.

    My mom names her cars. The old one was Betsy, and I can’t remember what came out of her mouth for our new one. I just get strange looks form my friends over that.

    There are probably a few other inanimate objects who are the proud holders of names, but I can not remember them.

    I’ve never understood this naming of inanimate objects that aren’t stuffed animals. Bees, yes. The blue webkinz hamster, yes. The lamp, no. However, just because I do not name them does not mean I do not think about their stories. Somewhere in my room is the story of an Indian-reserve pouch and the jacks and ball within.

  2. Polycarp is, indeed, lovable. That’s why he gets a name and not the lamp, or the bed, or the coffee pot. I’m curious about this blue webkinz hamster – is he real, and if so, what is his name? He sounds like a fun guy. Stuffed animals always get the best names, and the younger you are when you name them the better. My little brother was two years old when he named his toy dog “Wah”. He’s a creative one, that boy. 🙂

    • Yes, Blueberry Bush is very real. Here’s a stock photo (mine smiles more than the stock). The “Blueberry” part of him name is obvious: he’s blue and looks like he has purple blueberry stains all over. The “Bush” part comes from his posture. He’s quite round. Anyways, Blueberry Bush was the closest stuffed animal I had at the time, sitting right in front of the computer, so I used him as an example. Fun guy indeed.

      Stuffed animals always get the best names, and the younger you are when you name them the better.
      Agreed 100%. Although I acquired Subplot the Turtle just last year. Wah the dog. . . 😀 Well, that’s better than Bear the bear (Well, what else do you name a bear bigger than your pillow?), who I still have.

      • Blueberry Bush, good name. Although I must confess, Subplot the Turtle sounds like he is cooler than every other stuffed animal in the world combined. Not only does he have a splendid name, not only is he one of the greatest animals on earth, but he is also very soft. What a hero.

  3. Mom

    Polycarp looks a bit like our blue plaid couch that’s out in the burn pile. I love that he is your favorite color, and I hope he won’t hold it against us that we abandoned his relative to the burn pile. 😦 Congratulations on the new member of your dorm room!

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