I met a new church today, Harvest Bible Chapel. She’s a really nice church, with engaging sermons and fancy screens and this gorgeous, free, customized binder in which to keep all of your nicely-formatted, three-hole-punched sermon notes. There’s only one problem: I’m already dating another church. We’ve been involved on and off for a month. She fed me a free meal both times that I came to see her on Sunday, and I even accepted her invitation to come over on Thursday night and get involved in a small group. Her name is Moody Church, and I really like her, especially that Thursday night program, but I think I’m falling for Harvest and her dazzling, alluring Sunday services. I just don’t know how to tell Moody.
I could keep it a secret for a while, maintaining my small-group intimacy with Moody and still seeing Harvest on Sundays for a shot of her sleek urban style, but I’d feel like I was cheating on Moody. How could I go for weeks, even months, deceiving her like that? She deserves better. Besides, Harvest is already asking me for commitment, and she puts a huge emphasis on her small group programs. The way she says it, “I’m not a church with small groups, I’m a church of small groups.” If I don’t make my move and get plugged in soon, she might notice that something is up, and if she suspects that I’m just using her to get to her hip binders and relevant simulcast sermons she’ll be furious.
The last thing I want is to get a reputation as a player; I couldn’t live with myself if people thought that I was a heartless, manipulative church-hopper. I just love both of them so much, and I don’t want to hurt them. I know I should make my choice, commit to her, and move on, but I can’t bear the thought of losing either one. I never should have gone to see Harvest, I should have known that she would get me in trouble, but now I’ve only got one choice left: I’ll have to convert to Mormonism. They’re okay with polygamy, right?